Plangent Noise

An arranged marriage for Ralph the Jazz Cat

Excerpt From Plangent Noise, Copyright 2009 Zoe Zuniga

“It is time for you to get married Ralph.” My human scooped me up and placed me on his shoulder.

I lay draped on him like a mink stole and groaned heavily. “No! Not another blind date!”

Zach stood in front of the bathroom mirror adjusting is long black hair just right. “Mama Nuygen thinks it’s good for you and she has arranged for you to meet a very nice girl cat who is accomplished, educated and Vietnamese.”

I looked up at him in the mirror from my perch. “No! This time I refuse.“ I said jumping onto the counter and licking a paw testily.

Zach leaned his elbows on the counter and stooped down to eye level. “Please be a nice cat and take the arranged marriage. If she marries you off to a nice Vietnamese girl cat she will be so happy. It’s too late for me. She knows I’m for Brin and she is sorely disappointed that she can’t arrange my marriage.”

“Oh don’t you remember that stupid cat she had me with last time!” I whipped my tail absently.

“I thought she was very cute!” He checked his teeth in the mirror on last time and popped a zit on his neck.

 “She was vacuous.” I protested. “All she thought about was shopping and getting her claws painted.  She had these tacky giant diamond earrings and a matching necklace.

That’s true, she was a bit materialistic. Zach admitted.

She had terrible taste. I paced up and down the counter a couple of times. “We had nothing to talk about.”

“Please Ralph just go and humor ma ok?” Zach put his hands together in mock begging.

OK but it has to be a group thing so it won’t be a total waste of time. Call Morningstar and Brin and everyone else who are in town and set it up.

I was dreading the evening but I let Zack put on my nicest collar with the turquoise stones all around and he combed my whole body which felt nice anyway.

I talked to Morningstar on the cell phone all the way to the restaurant and then we saw each other step out of the cars for the valet and laughed and hung up our phones and continued the conversation just as if we were movie stars; me in my collar and Morningstar with a little red boa draped around her neck artfully. Zach and Brin followed with mama Nuygen.

“Don’t worry Ralph,” The dog told me and then stopped to blow the boa out of her mouth. “Just have a good time and forget it’s a blind date.